Lion Mandala




And I really want to save the world

Well they said they want to change the world

but they did nothing

and they wanted to commemorate all the plastic trees

for nothing

I wanted to be set free

but the apocalypse came and it hurt me

well you said that you would come to save me

but the end of the world came and here i am

Here i am on my own

I can’t be the one you own

And i really want to save the world

And i really want to save the world

And i really want to save the world

And i really want to save the world


I’m not really fond of the world that i live in

Not really fond of the world i live in

Not really fond


I really hope the angels see that we’re broken

I really hope the angels see that we’re broken



Wanna save the world?


And i really want to save the world

And i really want to save the world


Well i think the sky is red

because we’re not here anymore and we’re already dead

I’m not sure what else to say for the eulogy of Cain

It’s just the end of days


We’re not okay

We’re not okay

We’re not okay

Good Enough

i know you were there, when her cold, cold face stared me down from in the passenger mirror

and I saw the sky break, the angels sent a parade of cars and a man who blocked my path, saying you better think twice before you go here

you tried to stop me from making that mistake

but I didn’t listen – i was so caught up in the fear

the whole world paused for five minutes but I still didn’t see the sign

and just like that my future just disappeared


I tried my best, but my best wasn’t good enough

i’m not a good student, I don’t learn from tough love


i was standing there, as her cold, cold face called me a rebel because I had gotten every question wrong

so i stopped obeying the rules because I would have rather been seen as a rebel than a failure

where I used to have aspirations, they were now all gone

all i wanted was to please everybody, all I ever wanted was love

but every time I tried to do something right, I always got it wrong

so I just stopped trying


i was standing in front of the mirror, and I didn’t see my bones

sticking out like a birch tree, and I didn’t care that i was going to die in a heartbeat, i didn’t care that I was about to disappear

i just saw a disappointment to my family, a huge disgrace

I just wanted to make them happy, I just wanted to be perfect so they would love me

but all I was good at controlling was my deformed face

and starving my body


I always tried my fucking best, not any less

but my best was never good enough

for you, for anyone, for the whole damn world


i was just a child standing in my room, in a psych ward on a cold, cold night

the night the demons attacked

I ran to the nurses to get some help, but instead they threw me on my back, beat me and dragged me off to a cold, cold cell

that was the night I lost my trust in everyone, no one had my best interest in mind, and believe it or not, but I saw true, terrifying hell

they punished me for something I never did and I have been since trying to search for something I will never find

back then i was just a kid

but I am still terrified of not being good enough


i tried my best, but my best wasn’t good enough

i am not a good student, i never learned with tough love


I was standing in front of the judge on my 19th birthday, i had made so many mistakes i no longer cared, i was going to kill myself anyway

I devoted my life to whiskey and I don’t even think my family cared

but the best lawyer in town saw me standing there, and he chose to set me free

I guess he saw another part of me

He told me, please don’t make me regret this choice

I still made mistakes after that, but, I always remembered his voice


Then I was on my knees crying and praying to god because all my attempts to try had always failed

he didn’t hear me for days

but every single day I prayed

and then one day, finally, he heard me and everything just fell away

the angels came and chased the demons away

since then I’ve been conquering my pain and finding my way

it’s not something i could have done myself

because i’ve never been good enough


I’ve always tried my best, but my attempts to control my life always led me into a mess

and i’m really not good at cleaning up the crime scenes


I had high expectations for myself just because I wanted to be loved, but that kind of love isn’t really what it seems


So I believe

The only reason I’ve ever succeeded was because of God’s love

I’m so stupid, you know, I don’t learn with tough love


i was born flawed

i have imperfections and disabilities

I’ve never been perfect, but I’m still loved

I’m not good enough

that’s why I pray to god


they give me signs, and sometimes i’m too stupid to read

but when I do, I do succeed


I am standing at the end of my bed at the end of the day

hoping that I won’t fail again tomorrow

I know it’s not the end of the world if I do and I won’t give up

it’s just a stupid mistake and we still have tomorrow

but I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself, and like I’m not good enough

and i tell myself, i love you despite your flaws, you don’t have to be good enough

i love you even when you make mistakes

you don’t have to be

good enough

A Prayer To Grandmother Moon

This is just a prayer of gratitude to the Creator, Mother Earth and Grandmother Moon

I have not much to give back, except the expression of all the things I love

because in my solitude, I feel this love washing over me like a gigantic monsoon

and even when the night is black, I know just where you are in the skies above


I love listening to the roar of this cold Canadian river

as the snow tipped mountain tops tell me stories of days I’ll never know

my love glistening, my soul soars above, as I sit here and shiver

with my soul stripped down, all the pain stops, and I feel this freedom flow


I love the possibilities of mysteries, as it soothes my soul

I love walking along in Spirit’s footsteps into the Great Unknown

Looking up into the stars, I can see you there and I feel so full

I often remember the days back when and all the things I was ever shown


I am very happy for everything that I see

Thank you Creator, thank you rocks, thank you Mr. Tree

My soul is expanding, my confidence is growing and I am no longer afraid to just be

I am no longer afraid to venture ahead of me, on the path that Spirit is leading me on, into the Great Mystery


Goodnight Grandmother Moon

Goodnight Mother Earth

I am happy to be here, I am lucky to be alive, and tomorrow I will be grateful to listen to the morning Loon

as it sings with the rest of the world, another harmonious tune

Like in the spring when I’m grateful for the coming of June

I am grateful for the seasons of my life, all the changes, all my spirit guides, and all that you do

So I say, Good night, Mother Moon


I was victorious at getting rid of the things that stunted my growth

and I took many steps in self empowerment, doing only what brings me joy

Now in this arborous moment, nature sings, can’t you hear her? To you and I both

Now I am an Explorer of faith and wonderment, behold, that glorious moment, when a man finds his purpose and he is no longer just a boy


Another aspect of loving myself dawned on me the other day

a sudden need to love all of me erupted deep inside, and I said forget this,

I am not my race! I am not my shell!

I suspect my soul longs to connect to life in a much deeper way

Love planted a seed and suddenly it disrupted years of racism and I will never miss all that cultural disgrace! My nation hasn’t been doing well!

Oh my Nations, please save this!

I am just a man who has a soul, not the color of my skin

And as long as we keep up the separation and isolation, we will never win

My elders used to tell me stories of how one day all people and animals would come together, I guess that’s not happening any time soon

My elders used to tell me to keep secrets to preserve and build up walls

waving around an eagle feather, pretending to respect grandfather sun and grandmother moon


But they are lost, they can’t hear the voices in the wind anymore, not like I can

what’s the cost of all your choices and everything you’ve ever lived for?

Everything that was lost

What’s the reason?

You can’t hear them speak, but I can…

My ancestors never wanted this for us

One day, we will realize there is no point to living in separate clans

we will come together but until then, I fear the world has turned against every man, and we have to do everything we can

to remain alone, learn to love ourselves, and stay far away from the chaos, hate and disarray

that love will lead us back onto the right path again some day

not soon

Thank you for all my tribulations that brought me here in this way

I love everything around me, and everything that I am

Goodnight, Grandmother Moon

Who am I if not for

Who am I if not for what I love

if not for my interests and hobbies

if not for what they think I am


without anything to define me

who am I without you

who am I if not for my talents

who am I without the people who love me

if not for my aspirations


who am I

without the past that brought me here

who am I, without my happiness and without my tears

who am I, without all the years

without my body and without my fears

without anything to define me


are they ever going to call me an artist

after I’ve left this place and joined the crowds in heaven


compliments come and go

and next year you’ll be gone, and your fans will be gone too

and you will lose it all

if you rely on the stage to hold you over the killing crowds


always trying to find another way to perfection

just to find a little bit of recognition in the outside world

just because you never recognized your soul


now i look deep within

and realize I never really knew myself

who am I and am I even here? beneath the charades and all the bullshit that enclosed my soul all these years


i don’t want to join the crowd now, I would rather disappear

yet i still feel unfamiliar

with my own shadow


who am I?

stripped down to the core


Because I don’t know…
So I ask myself…


Who are you?

If not for what you love

if not for your interests and hobbies


And when I look at you

I clearly see your soul


Why do I love you so much?


You’re not an artist

you’ve never been on the news for being a hero

you’re not societies ideal of beautiful

yet in my eyes

you are everything that is meaningful

and I love you so much that words can’t describe it

my love for you goes beyond everything that you do


because you’ve never run a marathon

and you’ve never donated money to the church

You have no hobbies or interests that define you

you aren’t creative and you have no skills

you never work and you never succeed in society

you never take care of me and I’ve never asked you to


but when you look up at me, I can see how much you adore me

and our connection goes so deep

and you love me unconditionally too


so what do I love about you – I love your soul and I love your personality

if I was blind and looking at anyone else, I would be able to sense and feel that it wasn’t you


so who am I

if not for what I love, for my dreams, and my abilities

I am my soul

and I haven’t been very united with it

it’s very unfamiliar to me

but when you look at me

I can tell you are familiar with my soul

just like I am familiar with yours

Cave Boy


This is one of my personal favorites and unfortunately, it’s very hard for me to photograph the beauty and detail in it, mostly because it’s so large and even the best lighting never captures all the colors properly. Close up you can see very intricate details like fur and cave art on the walls, and I even hid the famous and disturbing Birdman of Lascaux somewhere in there.

This was painted with many layers of watered down acrylics on hard wood panel.


These People

the other day I went to join a new game

and all the nameless people there beat me down and kicked me out

just an outcast shivering in my shame

they just stood there and watched me cry

they told me I had to take the blame

they took my soul, and just kept beating, then dug the hole, pushed me in

and watched me die

i don’t know what these people see in me that makes them think I’m so lame

but all they care about is

making sure I never win this game


sometimes i wish for recognition, sometimes i wish for fame

every chance I take, life beats me back down to the floor

sometimes I wish I was a different person, sometimes I wish I had a different name

sometimes I wish for something more


and I could never hurt them back because I’m too tame

I don’t know why I am the one who is always wrong

and I never see evidence of karma, it’s about time it came

and taught all these crazy people how to get along


if you want me to be confident then you’ve got to stop fucking with my mind

if you want me to be happy then you’ve got to stop fucking with my life


oh I try so hard to be confident, and sometimes I start to feel a trace

of it somehow

but then I hear nothing but insults and all my confidence is erased

everyone hates me now

sometimes i wonder if it’s because of my ugly face

or if it’s because I’m fat like a cow

why else would I be such a disgrace

and why should all of this hatred be allowed

and all the careless people never intervene

everywhere I go, people are mean


i have no one on my side

every single person

always hating me, no matter how hard I’ve tried

and as my feelings worsen

i wonder if they would ever be regretful if I died


but of course they wouldn’t care

i try so hard to keep my head above the water, but all they ever do is push it back under

but of course life isn’t fair


and after all the abuse I am still here

after all the beatings

after all the tears

although my soul is bleeding

i wonder if my life is trying to teach me how to resist fear

of all the thoughts these stupid people are thinking of me

and resilience so I can rise above their heartless sneers

how to just stop giving a fuck about their meaningless opinions about me

how to let go of all the pain that hangs near

how to just be me

without letting all these people

dictate my fucking life

hate my fucking soul

and chase me from my dreams and goals


i can’t let these people drive me to the edge of life

so I’ve got to try to find a way to hold on until everything is alright

i can be me without their approval, i don’t need the knife

because it’s my own soul I have to fight


why do I care so much what these people think?

when all they ever do is hurt my heart

i don’t want to spend my life feeling so out of sync

with who I am, and who they are

these people aren’t worthy of my pain

i don’t think their hatred is personal

obsessed with technology and gore

they’re just delusional

they have no souls, all they care about is war

these people aren’t my people


Mt Washington Village


3 Canvases. Acrylic landscape paintings of Mt Washington Village. My parents live up the mountain the entire winter season so they wanted me to paint this for their cabin. It was my first time painting houses, and although it took forever, I found that I don’t mind painting houses so I may do some more landscape scenes with architecture in the future.





20170424_093603 (1)

This is a tribute acrylic painting based on Jonny Armstrong’s wildlife photography.

Every once in awhile I come across these amazing photographers who capture these phenomenal scenes, so I contact them and ask them if I can turn their photograph into art.

This is Jonny Armstrong’s original photograph and his website here.

jonny armstrong


I love the rain

as it washes away lifetimes of shame

soothing my emotions

like a bird, flying away from the nest

I’m opening my heart

no longer traveling in the dark


My ancestors are dancing along this lonely plain

I’m no longer in pain


My soul was injured

and it’s time to let it all soar out of my flesh


No longer harboring this sadness

I am free to let my emotions flow

Like the rain that soothes

It runs down my body

Like a captured bird, I let it go

watch it fly proudly

to its destiny


the innocent unfearing champion

The sunset promises me

comfort at the end of the day

after such a treacherous journey


my ancestors are calling

and I curl up and fall asleep with him by the fire

safe and loved at last

because now we can let our true selves bloom

like a never wilting flower

and the rain falls

ever so lightly falling

and with my ancestors, I am dancing


our escape from our ever so forsaken past

we are strong now

we are proud


I will let this hatred go

The pains and wounds and scars of the past

can heal

on the horizon, I see a rainbow

yielding its treasures of peace and happiness

This struggle isn’t real

and all the soul demons dancing out of me in a line

they scatter away like fleas

I see the ocean

and it calls to me to breathe

cleansing my soul of pain

and here I am

strong and pure

ready to start a brand new day

I won’t be buried by fear

I will live

rising from the grave

I have the whole world

and so much love

just waiting

for me to shine

my ancestors are waiting

for me to catch up

now – happy for eternal lifetimes

it is time

for the rain to take away my fear and hatred

I forgive you and I am free

you no longer bind me

I am sorry for what you did

I am

I am letting you go

in the wind

like a bird, fly away

into your beautiful destiny

like my heart, ever flowering

I can feel compassion

and I want you to be free

I wish you the best

along your journey

as we take our separate ways

and I learn from you

this curse was always a blessing

in disguise

and I am forever grateful

for another chance

to grow and live

for this time, I am love

loving and I have no fear

set free from limitations

my soul soars beyond this place

I am home finally

and I love you and I love myself

like a welcome friend,

I have found forgiveness
















To The Man Who Killed Me

He stood covered in clay, his eyes dark and his skin turned gray


then he jumped into the peaceful bay


I stared down at the water, and then my reflection turned into a blur


a distorted image of myself was the last thing I saw before I was murdered


In this pool of water, I was drowned

in this pool of water, my insecurities were found


He hung my body in a tree that day; I became just a disgusting decoration on display

He disrespected my body and my soul and that pain will never go away


What am I to you kind sir? Turns out I’m just a worthless object that you can slaughter


I am not worthless….


Because of you I will always feel insecure


You didn’t know me, so why did you hate me so much?


I am ready to venture out of the water to a future I can barely touch


Because of you I have never felt good enough


I can’t forgive you, but I have to if I ever want to get over this stuff


I never thought of myself as ugly and worthless until you killed me,

surely you wouldn’t have killed me if I was beautiful

or if I had a good soul

All I saw was my rippled reflection and all the terrible things you did to my body


The angels came and tried to save me from my desperation, but I sent them away

and I still feel stuck there to this day


Constantly drowning in this water


I followed you for years just trying to find out why


Why did I deserve to die?


And I never found the answer to that question


I watched my body rot, so ugly and forgotten


I became that, forever onwards, just an ugly deformed thing that has no meaning


I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for what you did, I can’t let go of this pain, that is constantly demeaning


I don’t want to be attached to my corpse forever

I have a new life and I want to live, without you here

but because of you I’m not confident, and everything I see is just a blur

I’m not sure where to go from here


I guess I need to let you go and the only way to do that is to find forgiveness

I don’t know why you did what you did, maybe you thought I deserved it or maybe it was an action committed through impulsiveness

But I can’t heal my wounds until I find forgiveness


You can kill my body, but you can never kill my soul

You can kill me, but you will never take my soul


I saw everything you did to me, and then I saw more

I saw how you killed others after me, and I saw all the gore

Even though my soul is sore,

I’m not a worthless stranger anymore

I haunted you for so long

My soul became so insecure, for thousands of years, because of what you did to me

but I am still here, I no longer feel fear, even though you killed me

I never disappeared

And now I am just angry at you

And if I can find it in my heart to forgive you

then I will be whole again

Oh how I really want to be whole


I want to put an end to so many lifetimes of abuse and feeling victimized

Just because of one man, will I forever be chastised?

Why am I carrying around this hatred?

Allowing the cycle of murder to continue on

All it does is continue to give you power over me

I have been haunting this man for too long,

as he has been haunting me

Am I a victim, still?

Because I don’t want to be

God, please help me find the ability to forgive him

so that I can once again be free


Blinded by Infatuation

I know the music sounds so chipper, but my mood has sunken down through the floorboards, so bitter

it makes me wonder, if she ever enjoyed a good song like this, or if she ever saw the stars glitter

what nasty, vile creature was harbored in her soul, to make her such a quitter?

she was so beautiful and she could have been something better

but she had that empty feeling deep down in her soul

I don’t think anyone could have saved her


That beautiful Asian flower…


You see, she met a guy online and dreamed of running away to Ireland

but her mamma said stay, this is where you belong

but she didn’t find any comfort in her own culture’s music

she could never sing along

and she desperately sought something more spiritual than her island

and it made her mamma cry

every time her daughter wistfully gazed up into the sky

every time she talked about running away

just to be with some older guy


so her parent’s set her up with a young Asian man

and she was happy with him for so many days


I’m pretty sure it was just a silly phase

because her naivety caught her up in a maze, that had a doom-filled ending


And do you know what’s interesting?

she never fell in love, she was just blinded by infatuation

and he never loved her either because

one day he told her to meet her down by the riverside

and he told her he was leaving without much of an explanation

he just didn’t love her anymore


and that’s why her life ended that night


I know it’s a terrible story but thanks for listening

you might think it was a tragic love story

but how? that girl never knew love

and she killed herself so early

and vowed to never love again, even in reincarnation


And all they saw when they found her

was a picture of her and him

in the middle of all her blood glistening


and her mamma asked, why oh why?

and they said she was just blinded by infatuation

this was no act of desperation in the name of love,

no Romeos here, no Juliets – but they wanted a better explanation

And now I can’t help but ponder as I listen to this uplifting love song

is it something her soul regrets?


so I search deep inside, why, why, why?

why did she live such a tragic life?

what was the point of her suffering, if not to teach us something now


her soul could have been bright like the sun and free like an eagle

but she became that poor Asian flower cast by her own shadow


It wasn’t his fault, she never could have blamed that guy Romeo

I know, it was just because she didn’t know who she was inside

lost and in search of her salvation

she felt lonely, and a huge sense of dislocation

when she couldn’t know herself, she couldn’t feel the sun

her mother was spiritual and supportive, but through her genes, she was the magical one

but she refused to accept who she was right until the day she died

and so I say, my friends, dance and sing!

and embrace the true love in life, that glistens for everyone and everything

life is too precious to be blinded by infatuation!

that real love is everywhere, but it doesn’t come from outside

it’s in our hearts

inside you and I

and inside we know how to follow love instead of infatuation

and I will live my life, doubly in love just for her, with clear eyes

shining brightly like the sun, free like the eagle, until the day I die

and I hope that you, too, won’t be blinded by infatuation


R.I.P my Asian flower