Struggling

Struggling

I can’t feel a thing

Juggling

My life on a string

I’m sparring

But I’d rather die in the ring

It’s NOT okay, I’m not really finding

anything

Maybe you don’t know what I’m binding

Because it’s not like im so amazing

Maybe my façade is blinding

 

Suicidal

Kind of lost my temple, kind of lost my idol

And that light at the end of the tunnel

Was just a freight train ready for a brawl

All this time I prayed for it all

I was just praying for another way to fall

 

You have no idea what I’ve been through

Or maybe you do and maybe that’s why you hate me too

It’s not that I wish I could die soon

it’s just that I wish I was never born so that I never had to hurt you

either way I’m kind of screwed

I don’t care if you disagree with my view

 

I’m not saying

That I really want to leave it all behind

I just wish I could push fast forward or rewind

I’m not conveying

What’s on my mind

You don’t know me, I just want to find

A way to let you in so you can know what it’s like

 

It’s funny that as soon as I pretend to be something else everyone knows me

But as soon as I need a friend nobody knows me

It’s just me, myself and I and all my pain and memories

and that’s how it will always be

 

Everyone else with their shiny happy families

and im just here alone like i’ll always be

 

I’ve lost everything from trying

Then they have the nerve to chastise me for crying

I guess I have to get by, by lying

Pretend I’m okay, pretend it will all go away

Pretend I’m fully here and that I’m sane

When I know I’m not fit

I really hate it

It’s not that I don’t know it

I’m just a hypocrite

 

It begins with this and it ends with rage

Attacking some dude like my life is on some kind of stage

Yet somehow some people think I’m their sage

Obviously they’ve never been inside my cage

 

And I’m wasting away

No one gives a fuck but maybe they all care in their own way

Who cares, it’s not like they are ever here at the end of the day

 

Not sure why I should be the one making amends

I will never group you in with my friends

 

You’ll always get things your way

because apparently people like to worship fucking douche bags

I don’t know why I have to listen to you nag

 

Just burry me in soil, along with your rags

 

You’re not my friend, you’re never here at the end of the night

Burn me and then I’ll stop bitching about my plight

I don’t care anymore

That’s what trash is for, right?

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Published by

S.D.G

I love playing badminton above all else. I also really love water - swimming, soaking in a hottub, spending hours in a steam room or doing polar bear swims. I used to be really into wilderness survival & kayaking, but now I enjoy the finer things in life, like relaxation, comforts, spas, riches and anything pleasant. Poetry and song writing is just how I express myself and cope with life. I have a history of mental illness, eating disorders and addiction, plus I was a cancer survivor. Spirituality and healthy living is really important in my life. My art and novel writing is something I enjoy sometimes but not all times. Some people tell me I should sell it but it's just a hobby. You are more than welcome to support me if you like: paypal.me/sdgeiger

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