All These Beautiful Things

The only sin that I felt from within was my fault, just take it out, take it out

The only consequence I got from assaulting you, are all these beautiful things, so take them out, take them out….

It doesn’t make sense but karma never punished me for being mean, it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault

I committed an offence but the law never punished me for being mean, it’s all my fault….

#

And here I am, rewarded with all these beautiful things

With nothing haunting me but the memories

It’s not like after I repented my sins I grew wings

#

At the end of the day I become the fish that you gut and peel

You treat me like a diseased seal that you think doesn’t feel

I just want your forgiveness, but it’s not what I deserve, it’s not what I deserve!

Until then, take away all the beautiful things I don’t deserve

#

All these beautiful things are like a never-ending quilt, suffocating me with guilt

Oh what have I done?

What have I done!!!!

#

Karma isn’t real, all of you fools who think so have never committed these crimes

Nothing, no ordeal, ever prevented me from being a dick back in those times

#

All I have is the trauma and nightmares that haunt me at night

And I bitch at you whenever you harm me having forgotten in my fright

That I am no better than you, I am worse

I am just a psychopath …. I am just a psychopath!

The guilt, the remorse, it’s building up from the aftermath

And I can’t go on, can’t go on

I haven’t always been such a holy man,

Can you see the ugly part of my soul? Oh it’s there, always lurking, always seeking to kill, it just wants to kill

I try to keep my nice person face on, I try to be a good person, but it just wants the thrill

I still can’t move on, I can’t move on

And I’m such a hypocrite sitting with Ghandi and Einstien

Praying to my spirit guides and pretending I am fine

#

Oh pray with me and kneel, I am your savior, I can tell you exactly who you are, but I won’t admit to you that I am nothing but a man with blood on my hands

#

Even though I held a knife to you, my friend, they never put me on trial

The only rotten thing I’ve suffered from is my own denial

#

Even though I tried to take your life, I might as well have smiled

#

Oh how can I be such a good person after all the bad things I’ve done?

Why does God hold me in his arms after all the rotten things I’ve done?

#

Well I can’t be this idea of what’s real, so I’m done, I’m done, I’m done!

#

I will never be perfect, I will never be what they want me to be, so maybe I should stop trying to be

#

The police with their guns, and the mental asylum never stopped me from being scum

And the past, the past I can’t outrun

No matter how fast I try to run

#

At least with my addiction I could escape the pain and the memories, now that I’m sober I am far away from sane and the memories

They are too clear

And maybe I shouldn’t complain because I have so many beautiful things

But I fear… I fear! I fear! I fear! I fear!

Life rewarded me for being an ass, you know what that means, it means you can kill and harass and the worst that will happen is your poor brain will break apart

It’s breaking apart

It’s breaking…. Apart

#

But sir, I was broken apart a long time ago, that was a long, long, long

time ago and that’s nothing new!

I’ve demonstrated that I can mend anything wrong in myself, but the only thing I can’t seem to fix is you

Is my broken relationship with you

#

Is my only consequence the fact that I will never be forgiven by you?

#

I dreamed that you killed me, when I was actually the one who tried to kill you

I constantly wonder why you hate me, maybe it’s because I tried to kill you so many years ago, so many years ago!

Who would have known?

#

Treat me like a fish, behead me and leave

Treat me like a fish, behead me and leave

Treat me like a rotting fish, just leave me be and let me grieve

#

For all the terrible things I’ve done

For all the awful things I can’t condone

I deserve to have nothing, so why do I have everything?

I deserve to be alone, so why are you not gone?

I deserve to be disowned… so why, so why

Do I have all these beautiful things!

#

Grant me one wish, I would wish I were in jail, that would be much easier than trying to make amends to you

Grant me one wish, I would wish I could be forgiven for all the putrid things I’ve done to you, it’s true

Until then, take away all these beautiful things I don’t deserve

All these beautiful things are like a never-ending quilt, suffocating me with guilt

Oh what have I done?

What have I done!!!!

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Published by

S.D.G

Poetry and song writing is just how I express myself and cope with life. My art and novel writing is something I enjoy sometimes but not all times. Some people tell me I should sell it but it's just a hobby. You are more than welcome to support me if you would like.

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