So Shallow

 

I guess it’s time for me to do some soul searching

Maybe it’s time to stop being so shallow

Baby it’s time for me to face everything

I need to be honest and let you know

 

I spent my whole life based on fake butterfly thrills

caught up in vanity and fake beauty

I just wanted to be one of those beautiful girls

They all thought I was so beautiful

filling myself up on bullshit but I never felt full

so pitiful

blinded and brittle, I just followed

but…

deep inside I was so alone, so numb, so hollow

 

And I cried inside so hard, as I harmed myself repeatedly

wishing I would find true love

I had sex with so many other guys wishing secretly

I would find the one

They all treated me like scum

and I pretended I was numb but when I went home alone,

I would cut myself, starve myself, and cry

always wondering why

I was destined to die on my own

 

I poisoned myself with these thoughts of being worthless

for too long

Thinking I had to shape myself into something perfect

hurting myself so I would belong

In order to find your love, that eluded me

But all along you were there

All along you were here for me

But I was so blind, so shallow

so I didn’t see you standing there

 

And now you confess to me your love

and here I am thinking I’m not good enough

 

always wanting more, always wanting something physical

always pushing you away, always getting quizzical

 

but baby, I’m sorry, of course I love you more than that, I want your soul

I’m sorry I’ve been so bad

I love you whole

 

My colors dimmed but I want them to be shining

The spell of society

I wish I could forget all of that

my true colors, my true self, I am refining

there is nothing here for me amongst all the fake things

I don’t want any of that

 

I don’t care about anyone else, I just want you

I don’t care about all these fake, shallow people, I want something more than that

Baby I hope you know how much I love you

And I don’t want to be forever lost in the vanity

I don’t want to be blind to your love as I’m lost in my misery

 

I’m sorry I got lost in all the fake glitter of the world

The pain deep in my soul is what kept me so obscure to you

I’m insecure and afraid because I’m stuck in the past

baby, beauty dies and we will die, but I know our love will last

 

all I know, is everything I ever found

I’m sorry, I’m not used to this thing called love

but I don’t want to be obsessed with vanity

I do want to be in love, truly

 

I want to open my heart to you, but I’m so scared

the world is holding me back with all the signs

saying I’m not pretty enough, I’m never going to be loved because

my physical self is so messed up

 

I’m just a little girl again, innocent and free and I just want to be me

i wish i could forget

I wish I could unwind societies strings off of me, I will no longer be

a shallow marionette

 

I just want to be happy

and i want to stop relating that to being shallow

my soul deserves more than that

you’re the only one I want to follow

I don’t know if I’ll ever escape this disease

but I hope you’ll wait for me

because I do want you,

I just want to get out

I don’t want me to be so focused on being so shallow

 

I created so many unrealistic fantasies, about you and I

but my love for you is deeper than that

the truth is, I don’t care if we never have bodies, I don’t need a palace and a life full of money

because i care about more than just that

i love your soul

i love you whole

baby, I swear somewhere deep inside

I’m really not so shallow

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Published by

S.D.G

I love playing badminton above all else. I also really love water - swimming, soaking in a hottub, spending hours in a steam room or doing polar bear swims. I used to be really into wilderness survival & kayaking, but now I enjoy the finer things in life, like relaxation, comforts, spas, riches and anything pleasant. Poetry and song writing is just how I express myself and cope with life. I have a history of mental illness, eating disorders and addiction, plus I was a cancer survivor. Spirituality and healthy living is really important in my life. My art and novel writing is something I enjoy sometimes but not all times. Some people tell me I should sell it but it's just a hobby. You are more than welcome to support me if you like: paypal.me/sdgeiger

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