To The Man Who Killed Me

He stood covered in clay, his eyes dark and his skin turned gray


then he jumped into the peaceful bay


I stared down at the water, and then my reflection turned into a blur


a distorted image of myself was the last thing I saw before I was murdered


In this pool of water, I was drowned

in this pool of water, my insecurities were found


He hung my body in a tree that day; I became just a disgusting decoration on display

He disrespected my body and my soul and that pain will never go away


What am I to you kind sir? Turns out I’m just a worthless object that you can slaughter


I am not worthless….


Because of you I will always feel insecure


You didn’t know me, so why did you hate me so much?


I am ready to venture out of the water to a future I can barely touch


Because of you I have never felt good enough


I can’t forgive you, but I have to if I ever want to get over this stuff


I never thought of myself as ugly and worthless until you killed me,

surely you wouldn’t have killed me if I was beautiful

or if I had a good soul

All I saw was my rippled reflection and all the terrible things you did to my body


The angels came and tried to save me from my desperation, but I sent them away

and I still feel stuck there to this day


Constantly drowning in this water


I followed you for years just trying to find out why


Why did I deserve to die?


And I never found the answer to that question


I watched my body rot, so ugly and forgotten


I became that, forever onwards, just an ugly deformed thing that has no meaning


I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for what you did, I can’t let go of this pain, that is constantly demeaning


I don’t want to be attached to my corpse forever

I have a new life and I want to live, without you here

but because of you I’m not confident, and everything I see is just a blur

I’m not sure where to go from here


I guess I need to let you go and the only way to do that is to find forgiveness

I don’t know why you did what you did, maybe you thought I deserved it or maybe it was an action committed through impulsiveness

But I can’t heal my wounds until I find forgiveness


You can kill my body, but you can never kill my soul

You can kill me, but you will never take my soul


I saw everything you did to me, and then I saw more

I saw how you killed others after me, and I saw all the gore

Even though my soul is sore,

I’m not a worthless stranger anymore

I haunted you for so long

My soul became so insecure, for thousands of years, because of what you did to me

but I am still here, I no longer feel fear, even though you killed me

I never disappeared

And now I am just angry at you

And if I can find it in my heart to forgive you

then I will be whole again

Oh how I really want to be whole


I want to put an end to so many lifetimes of abuse and feeling victimized

Just because of one man, will I forever be chastised?

Why am I carrying around this hatred?

Allowing the cycle of murder to continue on

All it does is continue to give you power over me

I have been haunting this man for too long,

as he has been haunting me

Am I a victim, still?

Because I don’t want to be

God, please help me find the ability to forgive him

so that I can once again be free



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