Titles

you tried so hard to be someone else you gave yourself a personality disorder

maybe they should have guessed all that attention seeking was covering something pretty deep

the wound in your soul seeps out a pretty astringent disease

and they try to wrap you up in a pretty box that speaks and sees

maybe you’re a wild bengal but you’re nothing they can’t tame and nothing they can’t keep

they will figure out what makes you tick and beep

the inner workings of your kind

the mount everest of the mind is so cold and steep

you really don’t want to get left behind

 

what are we doing here, trying to be social, trying to find some interesting filler

you don’t have the makings of a serial killer

you’re just an average joe trying to connect the dots in the heart aching thriller called life

the ignorant hypocrite walks straight into hell on earth and then he finds a gold mine

flat earth is really extending out this time, it’s becoming even flatter

you’re not anything like I was back in the day but does it really matter?

the monsoon comes to tear your life up, but it’s your happiness that falters

does it really matter when your reality was altered?

all you need to know is you were given a second chance

 

so what are they going to call you in this chapter of your life

quit stalling, start living, you get to decide

light some candles and drop off your demons, you don’t need the monsters on your side anymore

you dragged yourself through so much pain, and you survived,

so why do you continue to think you’re so weak?

you’re strong enough to win the fight, you don’t need to hide

go now, I just know you can be your own hero

whoa now, slow down, life isn’t a race, but although no one really knows

you can still listen to your heart and stare out your soul window

rip off your name tags and throw out all your fake identities

now you can be whatever you please

no titles, just you

no titles, no disease

now you can be whatever you please

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Too Good To Be True

Like an injured seagull resting on the wind

I might fall onto the rocks below

and bruise my hope

and lose my soul

 

I feel like my faith has thinned

I don’t know how to go with the flow

I can use my rope

if you would pull

 

But are you even there

I just don’t know…

Are you here?

I just don’t know

 

Maybe I will wait on this rock forever more

I’m pounding against its surface

but I can’t get out

I can’t find you

 

There are monsters lurking inside my core

I’m waking to a lovely sunlit bliss

but you fill me with doubt

why are we askew?

 

I wish we could live happily ever after

but maybe the promises are lies

I wish you were real

I could wish you alive

 

I really wish you were more than just a blur

I can’t see into your imaginary eyes

I wish I could feel

Can my heart survive?

 

The scariest thing that haunts me is you

You are too good to be true

 

Will I ever get to be with you?

 

In the last while, I was plagued with self-doubt

Lack of faith burrowed in my soul

I became skeptical

Unbelieving

 

And when I fell, I let you in and then kicked you out

because everything you said sounded like bull

are you cryptical

or deceiving

 

Was everything you said just a lie?

Was I always so gullible?

Can’t you give me a sign just for tonight?

If it is really possible?

 

Why is this such a narrow road?

One way, and never coming back to love

So long

So gone

 

The journey never ends here

it just goes on forever

I’m always back in this maze

Encrypting the days

 

I stand here all alone

so standoffish but so amazed

 

I try to listen to my heart

maybe it doesn’t exist

Maybe love is just a thing that only happens

to those who are lucky enough

 

Did my heart grow cold and solid

with all the blood I tried to steal?

Did the lies come from a fairytale or parable

am I even real?

 

I try to love

but I can’t feel

 

I have to be tough

when I’m not sure what’s real

 

I know you’re just a sweet error in my brain

but you taught me love somehow

and maybe this is a bittersweet end

goodbye pituitary gland…

 

Everyone knows I’m just insane

so what’s the point of fighting it now

you’re my imaginary friend

imaginary

 

The saddest thing that happened to me was you

You’re too good to be true

Early Modern English Grammar

I’m compiling a list of things I’m learning while studying modern English, to make it easier.

Second Person Pronouns: Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine, and Ye, You, Your, Yours

Thou = You (Second Person Singular Subject) Thou is used to say, “You do something”.

You love me : Thou lovest me

There is always an “est” suffix added onto the word after thou, except if it’s in the form of a question, then the “est” suffix comes before thou.

Do you love me? : Dost thou love me?  

In some cases, the “e” is taken off.

You see how much I love you = Thou seest how much I love thee 

Thee = You (Second Person Singular Object) Thee is used to say “something is happening to you.”

I love you: I love thee.

Thy = Your (Second Person Singular Possessive)

I love your hair : I love thy hair

Thine = Yours (Second Person Singular Predicate, but also used when the next word begins with a vowel.)

It is yours : It is thine

I love your eyes : I love thine eyes (Because the word eyes begins with a vowel.)

Ye, You, Your, and Yours were all used to address a group of people. I know a lot of sources tell you that the use of you, your and yours were formal and thee, thou, thy and thine were informal titles. But it wasn’t until the end of the time period when the use of thee and thou was dying out that “you” was starting to take on its formal means of speech. Before that ye, you, your and yours were not formal titles, they were the plural partners of the singular thee, thou, thy and thine.

 

Ye = You (Second Person Plural Subject) “Ye” was used when you are addressing a group of people like how we now say “y’all” or “you people” or “you’s” today, but “ye” was only used when “ye” was the subject of the sentence.

Do ya’ll want to dance? : Do ye want to dance?  

You = You (Second Person Plural Object) Used just like “ye” to address a group of people, except for it’s the object form.

Has anyone taught ya’ll this dance? : Has anyone taught you this dance? 

Your: Your (Second Person Plural Possessive) Your was also only used to address a group of people. Thy is the singular term that you would use to address one person.

Yours: Yours (Second Person Plural Predicate) Yours is only used to address a group of people, thine being the equivalent to use with one person.

Here is a passage from the Book of Mormon that shows you the proper use of Ye and You.

39 But behold my beloved brethren, I judge better things of you, for I judge that ye have faith in Christ because of your meekness; for if ye have not faith in him then ye are not fit to be numbered among the people of his church.

You can see that because the speaker is using “ye“, “you“, and “yours“, that they are referring to a group of people. If they were just speaking to one person, they would have used “thee, thou, thy and thine” instead. You can see how you is the object, and ye is the subject.

ETH

The “eth” suffix is added onto words after he/she/it, to replace the “s” we use after words.

She run(s) : She runn(eth).

He go(es) : He go(eth)

He prays : He prayeth

It dances : It danceth

 

But to say he did, he ran, he went, he prayed, he died, or anything that happened in past tense, it’s the same as how we write now. In other words, you can’t say, “He diedeth.” You would instead write, “He died.” The (eth) only goes on the end of a present tense word, such as “he dies”, which would read, “he dieth.”Here’s a snippet of an old poem that can show you the difference of when and when not to use the “eth” suffix.

He dopped and dooked,

he spake and looked,

So religiously.

Yet in a glasse

Or he would passe,

He toted and he peered,

His harte for pryde,

Lepte in his syde,

To see how well he freered

Than orth a pace,

Unto a place

He goeth withouten shame

To do this dede,

But now take hede,

For here begyneeth the game.

He drew hym ny,

and sostely

streyght at the dore he knocked:

and a dam ell,

that hard hym well,

there came and it unlocked

The frere sayd,

Good spede fayre mayd,

Here lodgeth such a man

It is told me:

Well fyr quoth she,

And yf he do what than.

Quoth he maystresse

No harm doubtless

It longeth for our order,

To hurt no man,

Bas as we can,

Fuery wight to forder.

 

 

I Do, You Do, He Did, He Does

I do (First Person Singular) We Do (First Person Plural)

Thou Dost (You do) (Second Person Singular) Ye do (Y’all do) (Second Person Plural)

He/She Doth (He/She Does) (Third Person Singular) They do (Third person Plural)

Past Tense: I Did, Thou Didst, She/He/It Did/ We Did, They Did

Have: I have, thou hast, we have, he hath (or has – the word “has” existed in the later time frame), they have, ye have
Can: I Can have, We can have, thou canst have, ye can have, he can have, they can have

Might: I might have, thou mightest have, he might have, we might have, ye might have, they might have

Will: I will have, thou wilt have, he will have, we will have, ye will have, they will have

Shall: I shall have, thou shalt have, he shall have, we shall have, ye shall have, they shall have

May: I may have, thou mayst have, he may, we may have, ye may have, they may have

Should: I should, thou shouldst, he should, we should, ye should, they should

Could: I could, thou couldst, he could, we should, ye should, they should

Long S and Short S

All the way up to the 1800’s, you’ll find old texts that make use of the Long S, which sort of looks like a big “f” and can be difficult to read because of that similarity.

For example, the “The ship sailed into the seas” looks like this: “The ſhip ſailed into the ſeas“. An actual “f” has a cross through it, but the long S doesn’t. There are certain rules for the use of the Long and Short S, which are well written out here: http://babelstone.blogspot.ca/2006/06/rules-for-long-s.html

I’ll be updating this soon…

 

Stupid Man

You dragged me up the cliff

just to collect a few drops of water from the disappearing falls

just to take a tiny sip

and you said the water would last you an entire week

and you said you never eat anything, and at first that didn’t bother me at all

but then you looked at me like you thought I was weak

 

but can’t you see that you are the tallest of the dancing skeletons?

why do you starve yourself stupid man, is it to purify your sins?

you brag about your speed

you brag about your agility

as you dance yourself to death

and you try to take me back to your place, and you ask me if I think you’re pretty

but I can’t see your face because it’s so sunken in, all I see is your misery

Stupid man

you’re too scrawny

stupid man

you need to eat

but you don’t care much about being strong

and you don’t care much about being wrong

 

Your poor body, look at how you waste it

I know you don’t want me to call you anorexic

you just want to be big and strong

but when you run every second of the day and never eat a thing

you can never get strong

and I know most people don’t realize it

that a man could be anorexic

Stupid man, do you want death?

you know the more you run, the closer you get to it

Yes you are fast

Yes you can outlast

those crazy dancing skeletons

as they chase you

but you’re not Superman

you’re a stupid man

you’re not Superman

you’re just a stupid man

and soon they will catch up to you

Stupid man….

Undisturbed

As the fiery flames of transmutation

embrace the world in the Great Tribulation

some people fight, some people wait

some people cry, but oh my god yes, I feel so great

#

Here is the church

Here is the steeple

Open the doors

and see all the people

#

They are going away (see all the people walking away)

All my nations are bound in hate, all my nations are found in hate

But I will stay, oh my god yes, I will stay and wait

#

There is war beyond the gate

but I don’t care because my path does not go straight

It is right here, right now

I am right here, right now

#

I sit here in solitude

drinking a cup of tea

This place is my heart

this peace is my reality

Soon I’ll dance in my home, my haven, my fortress

Undisturbed, alone and peaceful. Oh my god yes!

I fill myself with love and happiness

I don’t need anything else, just this

All I can feel is gratitude

because I’ve been blessed with such beauty

I need not a purpose, a friend or a duty

#

Ra sits on his perch

Far above his people

And as his fires rape the shores

I sit inside my steeple

#

Look at them all search

for the cure to life

I find it here in silence

as I lay on my floor

so peaceful, untouched and undisturbed

Part Work Integration

A Poem To The Demon That Lived Inside Myself

I really loved you

I guess you really helped me through

When everything else abandoned me here

even myself – that coward that just disappeared

 

One day I was looking at myself in the mirror

and that’s when I saw you

No longer me anymore, just you

 

You gave me power when my soul was weak

you made me roar like a beast when I could not speak

you taught me how funny my illness was

and I still love you because

 

You are the only thing that gave me any reason to be alive

and now that I am stronger, I have this life

to turn back to

and that is all because of you

 

You may have made me hurt myself

and you may have controlled my body

but because of you, I am still alive

 

I won’t fear you and I won’t hate you

I will love you always and forever

you have no power over me

Now we can both be free

 

A Poem To Myself

 

Oh, you coward, you betrayed my lifeline

you ran away from something you saw in your mind

and for no good reason you gave up to die

you chose to commit suicide

 

How can i ever trust you again, with my life

you were supposed to be the only one to love me

but you took a knife

and all you did was cut me

so many times I can’t count

you abandoned me

in the darkness and let the demons take over my body

and I couldn’t get them out

while I was trapped inside

and you just left me here

while they controlled my life

 

You can’t just separate me like that!

I will never forgive you

for leaving me alone with the aftermath

of your innate evil

you are the one who chose that path

and you will never be anything other than that!

 

A Poem In Response To Myself

 

I’m sorry, I know I messed up

There is nothing I can say to ever make up for all I did

but now I am all grown up

Back then I was just a scared and feeble kid

I didn’t know you were there

I lost sight of everything,

I was so scared

When life opened its jaws I was so afraid of being swallowed

So I chose to die and left you so hollowed

I know you had no one else to turn to

so you turned to the demon that came to the rescue

I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me

but if you come with me again, we can both be free

you don’t need him anymore

I’m back and I will never let anything hurt you again

I promise

I’m sorry…

 

Let me show you how much I love you because

I’m stronger now than I ever was

I won’t give up on you this time

I won’t fail you this time

We can be together again

and take back our life

Schizophrenic Spiritual Man

They know me as a schizophrenic man

They don’t know me as The Sun

Oh they’ve doubted me for so long

So that now I doubt your plan

 

I dont think they have any idea who I am

 

Maybe on the outside

But anything deeper than that

They will never understand

 

I’m really grateful that I don’t have to give a damn

 

So happy on the inside

But please understand that

I am just a wounded man

 

My body is in pain and I don’t understand

 

I don’t want to find out that my life has been a sham

Why am I the only one?

Is it coincidence if you always hear the same song?

Or has it always been a giant scam?

 

Well my psychologist is a very open man

I wonder if he encourages everyone

Or if he truly believes that I’m not wrong

He said there’s a 50/50 chance that we could fail the exam

 

But when it’s always right, that must mean god has a plan

And when it comes to things he disagrees with, there are none

But when I hear and see you, isn’t he supposed to tell me to run?

 

My psychologist probably isn’t a very spiritual man

But he’ll never tell me that I’m the crazy one

And he’ll never tell me to run

Because either way, spiritual or insane, he agrees with your plan

 

And you’ve never harmed me so I guess I’ll continue to stand

for my beliefs in you and I will be The Sun

Besides, when humans failed me, you disarmed my gun

and without you, my life would be so bland

 

Maybe it’s time to break the dam

Maybe the time has come

Maybe I really am The One

Maybe it’s doesn’t matter if I’m a schizophrenic, spiritual man

But I still can’t help but wonder if my psychologist was just singing your song

 

Until I know that you’re right, I guess I’ll be torn between right and wrong

between being a schizophrenic or a spiritual man

when I can be both, I guess that’ll be the day I will spread my Sun across the land

Alone But Never Lonely

you aren’t important

i am happy and free

without anybody

i may be a hermit

you are not what defines me

i am alone but I am never lonely

you have no control over me

 

i can live my life the way I want to

without you ever bringing me down

all you ever do is try to hurt me

and i am in peace without you around

 

when my happiness comes from in me

you can’t take my happiness away

i don’t need you for survival

i don’t need you anyway

 

i’ll always love you

but I’ll never expect you to love me in return

i am love, you are hate

all my attempts to love you, you just tried to burn

you can’t reject me, you are no longer my concern

that’s okay because happiness is something that everyone has to learn

 

you can accept that no one can ever satisfy your soul

only you can love yourself and make yourself feel whole

you don’t need anybody

to be happy

so alone but never lonely

alone and free

I don’t need you to be me

 

you may be my brother

but you will never be my friend

 

you may be my mother

but i will never be able to depend

on you

 

you may be my sister

but we haven’t talked for years and years

it’s true

 

you may be my father

but all you have given me is tears

 

I will never pretend

that you and I are friends

and I will never allow you to harm me again

 

you are all always going to act like dicks

and there is nothing I can do about it

other than live my life in peace

and find love inside of me

 

you may be psychopathic

and maybe you are sick

but I am going to release

each and every one of you

because you are nothing to me

but a toxic disease

 

I don’t need love from you

because I found love in me

without you I am happy

I am alone but never lonely

 

Our Majesty

Another long painted stare, a look of awe, you are so rare

your beauty raw, it splits and tears, as you wear your travesty

worshipping eyes to prove we care, for Our Majesty

and the hunger coursing through your veins, awakes your slumber

to a mean mystery

you are Cleopatra, Aphrodite, and King Ramses,

eating sawdust together

starving from simplicity

another error message brought from a terrorist somewhere in your brain

means the urge is going to reveal its shame, then purge you into an absentee

we know you would love to tear open this flesh of tapestry

when I say love it means you don’t mean a thing, and clean means dirty

another truffle filled with sweet liquor

she’s the grim reaper with her trigger finger

held down on tragedy

the tricky demons tricks are getting deeper

another sticky little one sticks on like a licking fever

and your sickness is getting bigger

singing your sick melody

you say I need to learn patience, since the dark ages, but this suspense is still not fulfilling me

I SEE with sick eyes, the world in its disguise, has a hue of thick rust

I speak with sick poisoned tongue, and that which I use my wrong

only devours my body to a crust

I move with sick need, and the fuel I run my seed

only means I am addicted to my lust

My sick enemy, is the only one I see,

the only demon I’ve given my duty and trust

The sickness that I feed

Is like a parasite that needs

leaving me empty only wanting more

The demon that I free

only makes me rape myself deep into my core

You say I have beauty

But it means nothing

when it’s wasted on these sores

Hope

I have no faith left

It’s gone

Just trying to survive this crashing dawn

#

When the sun comes up

I’ll be gone

With no one by my side, I’ll be moving on

#

Just the last man left

They’re all gone

Trying to survive without anything to count on

#

I’ve never lived a life

There’s no town

When every person never comes around

#

I’ve never had a wife

Lost at sea

I’ve always had to live without intimacy

#

I could kiss the knife

To be free

Or go swimming for a lonely Selkie

But I might drown in my misery

Trying to solve the mystery

#

Every hermit knows

On the sea

You lose your identity

#

I’m just a lonely seer

I see them

Yet when they see the flower they only see the stem

I’m so ugly but in my heart lies a very precious gem

#

They deserted me here

They chose

To cast me out into the shadows

#

Every hope disappears

Every hermit knows

What it’s like

When no passing ship ever slows

#

I’m not sure if these waves will ever carry me home

I just wait

For my body to decompose

#

Floating in seaweed somewhere nobody knows

I just wait

I’m not sure if in life love ever grows

#

I’ll just wait and see where this current goes

I’m so

jaded but I don’t need to believe in order to have hope

Maybe the sea

Will swallow me like a cruel envelope

Maybe I’ll find a ship and they’ll throw me a rope

 

The Pursuit Of Nothingness

On the quest for happiness

I used to cling to dreams

They were gold and fun and right

but after every achievement, I felt emptiness

so I thought, maybe my dreams weren’t right

##

Every dream betrayed me

left heartbroken by everything that seemed to be true

As soon as I started to feel happy

It just disappeared from view

There is no point in wanting

There is no point in dreaming

It will never be enough for you

Always wanting, always needing, always dying

just to have something to do

Until the day you realize it’s not about what we do

 

real happiness comes from inside you

I struggled so long to seek happiness in goals and gold

Until I realized

happiness isn’t sold or rewarded or given or told

So,

When the cities are cold and my body grows old

I’ll be happy as a smart old man

Just sitting and enjoying the nothingness as it rains all over the land

Wanting nothing from something and wanting something from nothing

is a trivial pursuit of man

Little Sister Got Engaged

Little sister got engaged today

the apocalypse came and the sky turned gray

all these people are in a mad rush to get away

#

All these young people are in a mad rush to grow old

turned to bones at such a young age

don’t they know they will regret it someday

#

Life isn’t getting any longer

that back isn’t getting any stronger

yet all you do is move around and work like a slave

#

Don’t you know, your life is getting away

#

I’m sorry, I don’t want to live that way

and I wouldn’t wish this life on my worst enemy

I wish I could say something to set you free

but you’re lying to yourself, saying you’re happy

#

So they say, grow up, grow old and settle down

just choke your soul and forget your dreams are anywhere around

but I don’t want to join this ghost town

I don’t want to be lost to the point I can’t be found

#

Maybe you think I’m lame

maybe you think I play my life like some kind of game

but at least I’m accomplishing things and you threw your life away

just to get married and have a bunch of kids

I live my life selfishly and maybe I forget what god forbids

but life is short and I’m not here for long

I don’t think enjoying my life is wrong

#

I won’t join the parade

just because it’s the hippest thing

I’m not going to rot in my grave

when I could be anything

not going to sit as a bag of bones and waste my life away

I can see all the zombies crying

I’m not going to behave

While you are doing nothing

I will be flying

#

I’m not following

#

just because!

just because!

just because!

#

Little sister got engaged

the whole world seems staged

I stay young as they all age

so I guess I am immortal

I stand tall as they all fall

#

I’m not throwing away my dreams because you tell me so

I’m not going to leave before it’s my time to go

you can do what you want to do but don’t expect me to follow

#

I’m not a crying bag of bones!

I won’t find me no Mr. Jones

I won’t give away my life to have to sit at home

like a girl that has been stolen away from everything I know

Space Boy’s Paradise

Here

I feel so heavy

underneath the storms golden seams

but you can lift me up into its gleam

I feel as light as the clouds and as

Intense as the storms

You prepared a storm inside of me

Do you ever open your eyes?

when you sit there I see a galaxy

vortex of my most passionate dreams

your face is a lonely book

I would love to read, through the sad lines

all the way through into paradise

I want to carry you

All the way into paradise

Your body is a lonely wind blown tree

I would love to shelter from the breeze

keep you warm as we are enveloped in shining ice

Space boy, where are you when you sit in front of me

you were all alone in your space globe

when it fell away from you

and you shattered into beams

and now you look around at your broken dreams

I could be the thing that saves you

space boy, where do you go when you want to breathe

heavy

it feels so heavy…

when you are up in the rippling skies

soaring by in your war ship

and im waiting for you to return home

tell me what it is like, in the star ship

when you come back home

I wish I could take you to paradise

I wish I could be your paradise

but when life goes on and nothing is very nice

Where are you behind your eyes?

Space boy, we could be paradise

But until then I improvise

And just imagine what it would be like

I wish you would tell me all the stories of that life

As the lake drains out of your tears

All the people switching out of their disguise

And I could give you a surprise

I could take you all the way to,

Our own beautiful paradise

But when I look in your eyes

I see the whole world as it dies

and my heart feels heavy as it cries

let me take you to paradise

Explode

inside me

ominous waves churn in massive storms

obscuring

my soul etches silhouetted forms

i am disconnecting

my brain from my wireless cellular phones

i am running

into a decade littered of little bones

floating upon the surface of the dome

of sanity and the wires seem to be torn

i want some things i need or i will explode

you are not doctor Watson, and i am not Sherlock Holmes

i am sick,

of your memories so i am putting them up for sale

does anybody want it?

i am too evaporated to tell

i am happy, this in brief was just in catastrophic scale

i am confusion, i am still dissecting what went wrong

i am explosion, sick from the stress of your tightening bomb

you want me?

well i am with a fiery stake and a red balloon waiting around

f****** come and find me

with the apocalypse and i will let you push the world down

you hear me?

technology erases every molecule and every sound

you want to find me?

i am presently nowhere to be found

i need some things or i will sit down and die

with my head full of helium stretching my brain into the sky

you want me

too late, i am feasting on starvation and a pack of polluted lies

i am waiting

digesting your lies, with anger pouring out of my scythe

just waiting for the last line

i don’t want your pity

i am pirating this used oil to sell to illuminati

i am playing with a pack of matches and the flames churning inside of me

engulfing with flames as it swallows your money

the unorthodox shadows of reality are my home

you are the one who possesses everything i own

i need some things i want or i will explode

my pride is nothing

you want my soul too it is the price that is shown

i am okay i am just starving in my disease

dont help me

i am in debt to you so take every memory i have ever known

even my grave will cost my mind and a tsunami

you mock me

as i dance in poverty with my cellular phone

and are you laughing

as i decay to bones

I am ready

dancing with fires all around town

when I leave this place pushing the button down

everything you have ever known

and we will go up in smoke

we will explode

Believe

Believe 

Why do you wander past just to disappear

you wait unseen for your life to reappear

why am I so delayed

why is even my reflection away

why am I not inside this mirror

being alone is the only thing I fear

comets falling from my eyes as you leave

I am evaporating into space

And how long have you been fake as you grieve

How long will it be until you are fully erased

Why are you always running in vain

Does time ever stop you, to tell you every place you run to is the same

Why do you think running is an escape from the pain

you have to accept goodbye and wipe away the stain

I am not pessimistic I am just against being naïve

You race from the starting line but never get anywhere when you leave

even when I try I am still running in place

even change is the same thing just replaced

why has your life been stranded by what you believe

and why are you acting like you are relieved

how do our bodies work when we are not here

lost somewhere out here in the atmosphere

Why is moving forward hard to perceive

and why does falling backwards seem to deceive

I’ve seen some man come to life dressed in a coat of leaves

he asked me why i cant see those who are standing near my face

he asked a question, when did you lose faith in yourself and this place

he said, boy, why don’t you take a look at the sky and roll up your sleeves

wipe them tears off your face and just try to believe

maybe once you stop thinking about yourself for once, your soul can be retrieved

why do you always need to rely on someone to save you from disdain

why do you constantly run with an ankle that is sprained

don’t you know, you will only fall harder at the end of the race

why does the world spin and the sun shine while we grieve

I would rather die, he said, it’s waking up from life, and he let out a sigh of relief

At least you see the big picture that life is a dream

But the sun shines, and all the birds know, a tree never dies when it sheds its leaves

You are not standing in one place, you are further than you can conceive

There are no mistakes in life boy, but you still need to believe

You are not a child anymore, son, you’re a big man, and you have the power to create your dreams

And have you ever met the man who uses rainbows to weave

Me and god, well, we played chess for a good hour, in which he said, well you beat me at this game son, and you better believe

You can keep cheating at chess games, you can win against life and if you have hands you can weave

But you will keep weaving the same story, and keep meeting the same twins of your past if you never believe

You’ll be stuck in the same spot wherever you run to, boy, if you never stop trying to leave.

You are always trying to find home wherever you go, whenever you leave

But your home is right here

You may think it’s disappeared

But Son,

your home is right where you left it, inside your heart, wherever you are

Whenever you need

Thief

is it bright where you are?

is there light in your world?

does the wind vibrate,

opalescent beats of its heart

when you stare at the sky

can you touch its face?

I felt so very far

I touched a shooting star

and I never felt anything

so beautiful before

and I would love to love

I would love to be

the someone else inside of me

some days i am free

but sometimes I am a thief

stealing away… me

in your lightest hour

Are you still a prisoner?

these friends are more like flakes

they crumble and fall away

so I dance with shiny nas cars

they go so fast you can’t see them go

my eyes ensnared with color rows

and i am waiting for the show

but I feel like a thief

with my head in the sky

I pretend to enjoy your alien schemes

do you know your words sail by me

like storms racing rain

Sometimes I wonder why I listen to you

when you never listen to me

where i will serenade my dreams

I pretend to be unlike I am

But I just want to be who I am

with or without dignity

Do you ever get tired?

of not being listened to?

do you see the glaze in their eyes?

it is the form of their lies

because they only ever want to say,

what’s on their own minds

you are such a downpour

of rain so lovely

I roll down your milky way

and when the sun kisses my face

I see your whole life

i see it all change

and I know you

when you don’t know anything

is that strange?

every time you speak

you seem to look past me… right through

but hey

I’m standing right here

sometimes I wonder

if god has left me alone too

if he chooses to ignore

am I so invisible?

Or do you really just not see?

when you are near I feel so alone

I really don’t want to wait

Are you busy again

tying me in pretty bows

and lace

as they talk about love

they gift me fear

am I your higher power in disguise?

Or am I a lonely soul no one can hear

they hand me buckets full

of their sparkling tears

do they bow or do they fall

what is holy is a thief

sometimes I say,

isn’t there something wrong here?

listening to your laughter

an angels cry or a mothers scream

do they even see me there??

or do I just disappear?

Are we friends or enemies?

or learning lessons of change?

they talk about enlightenment.

we dissect what we’ve seen

a sparkling sphere

but then they try to figure out what it means

they try to know the answers to dreams

knowing never heals me

only when I pray

am i free

because they all take one million hours each

to talk about their misery

so no one else gets time to share

these days no one really cares

about anyone else

does it make you happy?

you’re so strange…

no we never really listen when he’s talking

crouching in our nothing places

if only things could change

they float in star bucks

like they are on the moon

watching the world devour its pain

across from each other

not saying a word

and texting

how strange

in another dimension of solace

everyone hungers

to drive our kingdoms insane

your hunger to know

comes from fear alone

you will never get anywhere

as long as you hold onto the right side of your brain

as long as there is fear turning your heart

into hate

is it any wonder I found peace?

they claim to be their own god

salmon swimming against streams

you can be my higher power

steer me through the day

are you following

a divine loving dream?

or are you a master puppeteer?

And why do you have your strings

attached to me?

Does it make you happy?

do you ever achieve anything?

all I ever hear them speak

is about analyzing every thing

you won’t go far if you pray that way

do you think you are some guru?

you can only be spiritual if you have faith

they never want to know how you are

they don’t want you going too far

it’s only about them you ever hear

they say “you seem pretty hostile today”

some days I am patient but some days I just can’t take

some times I spend hours talking with the ancients

some days I would rather escape

is it trickery or is it tact

can I strip out of my cocoon yet

what is the answer if you don’t know the equation

is it any wonder

the secrets that birth this blunder

it’s because I see the mistakes in you that exist in me

that I know I need to get far away

your darkest beauty is in me

if we are all one

and times i do beleive it’s fun

other times i run

but when i stare at you i see me

I notice everything wrong about you and me

Do you believe in me

Do you think I am truthful and trustworthy?????

You think I am an honest person but

Sometimes I see only what I want to see

and I can admit that in honesty

most times I don’t believe

most times i only believe what i think i see

most times i believe what is untrue

so how can i really be honest with you

I can only be as honest as I can be

I can only be honest about the things I think I know about myself

But to tell you the truth

Most of the time I don’t know anything about myself

So how can I be fully right in honesty

I can tell you what I think to be

but I know nothing

for all i am is a thief

Emphemeral Truth

As the world rots we are left shredded for stew

In all the things I dreaded

Death is building towers with glue

to collapse on you

As buildings cracked your lies silhouetted the view

I wish I could forget it

to suffer to sparkle anew

wish you could see through

they only want to kill you

Indoctrination

The apocalypse was not my intention to do

Neither were you

wound me again AND I WILL FORGET THE TRUTH

someone betrays secrets

do you know who?

It seems you’ve forgotten the ephemeral truth

In all the things created

indenting a deity on your view

nothing will save you

death dances with licking flames until he continues

on lashing his advances

and as the world dances

it is quaking its deception of filth to remove all of you

where do you fall when you have nothing to grip onto

when even gravity betrays you

in sordid glances you realize you must have prayed too soon

abandoned frozen martyr

your end is long overdue

I wish it would subdue

But without disaster I cannot move

Everywhere I look the concrete turns its saliva maroon

do you see littered bleeding angels

or are those bodies just a reflection of you

the buildings are trembling

to make love to you

It seems you’ve forgotten the ephemeral truth

In all the things debated

You see no faces of the spectrum

But you see the sea’s whiplashing monsoon

The lie you were living

It is you

brainwashing your existence

sucking you in was something I never wanted to

in the distance what you reach to

is entirely untrue

there are thousands stomping down the moon

but down here

there are only a few