So Shallow

 

I guess it’s time for me to do some soul searching

Maybe it’s time to stop being so shallow

Baby it’s time for me to face everything

I need to be honest and let you know

 

I spent my whole life based on fake butterfly thrills

caught up in vanity and fake beauty

I just wanted to be one of those beautiful girls

They all thought I was so beautiful

filling myself up on bullshit but I never felt full

so pitiful

blinded and brittle, I just followed

but…

deep inside I was so alone, so numb, so hollow

 

And I cried inside so hard, as I harmed myself repeatedly

wishing I would find true love

I had sex with so many other guys wishing secretly

I would find the one

They all treated me like scum

and I pretended I was numb but when I went home alone,

I would cut myself, starve myself, and cry

always wondering why

I was destined to die on my own

 

I poisoned myself with these thoughts of being worthless

for too long

Thinking I had to shape myself into something perfect

hurting myself so I would belong

In order to find your love, that eluded me

But all along you were there

All along you were here for me

But I was so blind, so shallow

so I didn’t see you standing there

 

And now you confess to me your love

and here I am thinking I’m not good enough

 

always wanting more, always wanting something physical

always pushing you away, always getting quizzical

 

but baby, I’m sorry, of course I love you more than that, I want your soul

I’m sorry I’ve been so bad

I love you whole

 

My colors dimmed but I want them to be shining

The spell of society

I wish I could forget all of that

my true colors, my true self, I am refining

there is nothing here for me amongst all the fake things

I don’t want any of that

 

I don’t care about anyone else, I just want you

I don’t care about all these fake, shallow people, I want something more than that

Baby I hope you know how much I love you

And I don’t want to be forever lost in the vanity

I don’t want to be blind to your love as I’m lost in my misery

 

I’m sorry I got lost in all the fake glitter of the world

The pain deep in my soul is what kept me so obscure to you

I’m insecure and afraid because I’m stuck in the past

baby, beauty dies and we will die, but I know our love will last

 

all I know, is everything I ever found

I’m sorry, I’m not used to this thing called love

but I don’t want to be obsessed with vanity

I do want to be in love, truly

 

I want to open my heart to you, but I’m so scared

the world is holding me back with all the signs

saying I’m not pretty enough, I’m never going to be loved because

my physical self is so messed up

 

I’m just a little girl again, innocent and free and I just want to be me

i wish i could forget

I wish I could unwind societies strings off of me, I will no longer be

a shallow marionette

 

I just want to be happy

and i want to stop relating that to being shallow

my soul deserves more than that

you’re the only one I want to follow

I don’t know if I’ll ever escape this disease

but I hope you’ll wait for me

because I do want you,

I just want to get out

I don’t want me to be so focused on being so shallow

 

I created so many unrealistic fantasies, about you and I

but my love for you is deeper than that

the truth is, I don’t care if we never have bodies, I don’t need a palace and a life full of money

because i care about more than just that

i love your soul

i love you whole

baby, I swear somewhere deep inside

I’m really not so shallow

What do you want from me?

I don’t want to waste my time on other girls

You’re the only one for me

I could wait as long as it takes

as long as I could end up with you

Maybe I was wrong to put you in this situation

Maybe you want an instantaneous love affair

but I thought our love was strong

maybe I was wrong

to ask you to wait for me

but I thought our love would stand the test of time

I don’t feel like we’re on the same page

you need to ask yourself, what do you want from me?

Because I’m in this for life, I made the commitment

I’m loyal to you until the end

Do you want sex with other guys

or do you want a deeper love with me?

Because our love knows no bounds

I’m just waiting for you

and I really want to hear that you love me

and that you’ll continue waiting for me

you mean so much to me

I’m sorry that asking you to wait for me has hurt you

That’s not what I want

Decide whether you want to be with me

or without me and free to do as you will

I’ll support you no matter what

I just want you to be happy

I guess you want what you’ve known

but all that glitters isn’t gold

You always said you wanted true love

but does that come with physicality

and all the fantasies that you’ve built up in your dreams

could you love someone

even if love isn’t what it seems

I’m not saying we’ll never have our moment in the sun

that kind of love that usually happens for everyone

but until then

we need to make the best out of what we have

and I feel like we have a lot

we are sure a lot to lose

You always prayed that you would find true love

and isn’t what we have truer than anything?

I may not be there in the way you want

but I love you more than anything

Would you only love me if I had money

or the means to bring you everything you desire?

Am I meant to be a hero or your savior

to rescue you from Earth and take you higher?

Why do you need all these things

for you to feel my love?

Do you love me or do you just want me

based on your precious fantasy of someone else who is all glittery

I am a real man

but I’m not perfect and I’ve made mistakes

I wish I could give you all that I can

I wish I could be there

but nothing is as it seems

I wish you could understand

but there’s not much I can say

to change your mind

so what do you want from me?

do you want my love

or do you want me to set you free?

Because I will always be your man

Until death do us part, I will do what I can

I wish you would agree, to wait with me

and experience true love with me for eternity

You know I’m a pretty simple guy

I just want you, and no one else in my life

and I will be here forever with you

if only you come back to me as my wife

Is this love or an obsession?

To Sahm:

I wish you were here

lie with me dear

we’ll forget the outside world

we’ll hold each other and just forget the cold

#

lost, and all i want is you

frost covered your heart and skin

i will never get through

i’m crying but you won’t let me in

#

just you and i

why can’t i just die, to find the love of my life

we will be, forever more

i’d let you into my core

#

Oh, we’ll fall into an abyss together

your lies will hold my tethers

before i fall apart

please keep me believing that we will be together

before i fall apart

#

I don’t care about anything else

all i want is you

I don’t want anyone else

can’t you see that all i want is you

#

i never fantasize about anyone else but you

#

my life is an insignificant muse

you give my only meaning

i need you to heal me, my heart is bruised

I need you

you are the only one i love

#

I can see you in the wind

my heart is exploding

where, where have you been?

my love, i feel like I am dying

#

without you my life is empty

and I am broken

lost out at sea

why are we destined to be apart

I can see you, can you see me?

Do you have my heart?

#

Why, have you left me here alone

why am I on my own

#

Passion, maybe it scared you away

are we right for each other

it’s all i ever wanted

emotion, maybe it pulled me away

are you feeling the same way too

you are all i ever wanted

ashen, maybe you are away

or am i just crazy?

i still want it

please tell me my love is right and not just an obsession

you are my life

you are my blood and spine

you are mine

#

please give me a sign

#

Why can’t we be together

what cruel fate has left us apart

why don’t you want me

why don’t you need me

my dear, please hold my heart

like a sacred, fragile treasure

please treat me

like i am part of you

#

i would fill you with love

i would fulfill your pleasure

#

i can’t believe you can’t see that you are more important than life

#

would you give it all up

just to be mine?

does the rest of the world matter

when you can be mine

#

Lies, tell me we can be

be mine, don’t break me

tell me, it’s going to be okay

#

let me believe that we can be together

hold me together with your tethers

#

I can imagine your pretty face

i bet you are having a lot of fun

please tell me why we had to run

desire, lost, in my own pain

i just want to be alive inside you

i just want to taste you in the rain

i would exist inside you for all my life

stay alive and come to me

you are mine and will always be

#

it’s so cruel

i can’t make it alright without you

i don’t care if it’s true

tell me one day i’ll be next to you

you are the only thing i’d ever need

please tell me im not crazy

please tell me im not a creep

lonely, over fixated on you

im not overly fixated on greed

tell me im the one you need

#

if this is love,

i just don’t understand

if there are more than billions of pieces of sand

how would we ever find our two

in one piece of land

#

if i recall i’ve never met you in my life

but i see you every time i close my eyes

who are you and why do you haunt my every dream

why does it feel like i’ve known you forever

when i am pretty sure i’ve never known you before

i love you and i have no idea who you are

i hear your whispers every time you’re not near

i hope someday you will come to life

i hope someday you will magically appear

i hope someday these dreams will become what are

the hope that sustains me

 i will find you and that is what is keeping me alive

#

my entire life

passed on by as i sat here waiting for you

i will never love another

do i please you or do i smother you with my love

do i entrance you or am i something you should dispose of

i try to trust that i will see you some day

as a bit of magic throws you my way

if god would ever let me have my way

we would be together in each and every way

my soulmate, my only purpose here is to find you

i know i’ve heard you say before

you are trying to find me too

I know you are right here

I can even see you

but I can’t continue to live my life without you

#

come on,

I can feel you

I know you can feel me too

I have given you my address

yet you never come to me

i keep trying to walk through mazes to find you

I have given you everything you need

and yet I still can’t seem to find you

I don’t know what else has to be done

please find me

before i come undone